


Words Muttered in the Dark

by ErRose



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 16:16:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16349933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErRose/pseuds/ErRose
Summary: "Kirk could feel the word there, but couldn’t make out quite what it was. By the time it came surging up his throat, Kirk knew that when it spilled out over his lips, it would be a very important word. Perhaps the most important word of them all. "Spock" "





	Words Muttered in the Dark

Just a single word muttered in the dark. The word started in Kirk’s belly and rose up through his lungs and chest, heating his blood as it pumped through his heart. The word made his skin tingle, and his hands, one of which was wrapped around himself, tremble. Kirk could feel the word there, but couldn’t make out quite what it was. By the time it came surging up his throat, Kirk knew that when it spilled out over his lips, it would be a very important word. Perhaps the most important word of them all. After all that build-up, the word was breathlessly whispered into the dark and empty room just as he reached his peak.   
“Spock” Kirk realized that it didn’t surprise him as much as it should have. He rode the waves of euphoria, both physical, and mental for having discovered that this word that had been living inside of him, pounding on the walls of his heart, clawing to get out. He should have realized that all along, it had always been Spock. From the moment he stepped onto the enterprise and saw him for the first time. He suppose he _had_ known, but knowing that he couldn’t do anything about it, he had pushed it down, repressed it, until it was nothing more than a chunk of coal resting in his belly, waiting. Waiting for a night such as this, where Kirk was lonely and the ship safe and quiet. A night where he needed to alleviate his loneliness with a primal pleasure.   
He cleaned himself up and went to bed with dreams of Spock in his head. 

 

On the bridge, Spock’s fingertips lingered on Kirk’s when he handed Kirk his PADD. Even though Kirk probably didn’t know what it meant, it terrified and exhilarated Spock to share an intimacy with the captain. Kirk barely registered the touch, he just took the PADD and continued about his duties, but he later saw the Captain feeling the very spot where Spock’s hand had touched earlier, as if they were still tingling from the contact. Kirk brought his fingertips to his upturned lips, a far away look in his eyes. Spock was sure, however, it had nothing to do with the vulcan kiss.   
When he was leaving to retire to his quarters, Spock made sure he was in the elevator right by his side. Maintaining a distance, but still standing closer than he would with anyone else. He walked beside Kirk keeping up the pretense of reporting about a small experiment happening in one of the labs. Just as Jim was about to turn away for some well deserved sleep, Spock stood up straighter- if that was even possible- squared his shoulders and said “it was a kiss,” very matter-of -fact-ly.   
Jim froze and Spock’s heart threatened to pound it’s way out of his ribcage.   
“What was, Mr. Spock?”   
Very gently, Spock reached forward, keeping eye contact to make sure it was okay, and pulled Kirk’s hand up to face him, and carefully, but firmly, he pressed their fingers together again. “On the bridge,” he explained dropping his eyes to look at the floor between them, “It’s how vulcans… show affection,” This display of vulnerability and emotion was unbearable, but he was tired. Tired of keeping this deep in his heart. He could transfer ships if it made Jim uncomfortable, but he deserved to know. He could feel Jim’s pulse through his fingertips and it made him feel better that his was not the only racing heart. But several moments passed in that terrible silence and Jim didn’t say a word or make a move. Spock pulled his still tingling hand away, the words “I’m sorry, Captain,” fell from his lips, and he strode back to his quarters with purposeful steps, trying to appear unperturbed as if nothing had happened. But something _had_ happened and his face was green with the blood rushing to his cheeks and ears because of it. He had shown his affection, his love, for his captain. And his captain had no response. He would put in for a transfer as soon as he could get up the nerve to look at Kirk long enough to ask for a signature on the forms. 

 

Kirk watched Spock stride down the corridor, still unable to form an actual thought. He had assumed the touch on the bridge was a simple moment of carelessness, however unlikely it was that Spock would be careless- surely he had never considered that Spock had feelings to match Jim’s own. He felt the remnants of the touch for hours after it happened; it was as if Spock’s hand had never fully left his own. The quiet admission of it being something intentional and intimate was so jarring to Kirk that he had simply frozen into place. That gesture- _that kiss_ \- was so completely unexpected. It was something he never thought he would need to have a plan for. He never thought that Spock would be interested, so he never planned out what he would do or say if the day ever came. But it had come. And Jim fucked it up. Spock showed him a piece of himself, and he did absolutely nothing. He shook his head to clear it, and started down the hall after him. Spock’s long legs and quick strides made him a hard man to catch up with when he wanted to get somewhere. Every molecule in him wanted to break into a sprint and scream his name. That would draw more attention than either of them could handle at the moment.   
He finally reached Spock’s room and buzzed to be let in. No response.   
“Spock, it’s Jim. Please,”  
The door slid open with Spock in the doorway. “Ah Captain, I thought you had gone to bed. Is there anything you need?” Spock monotoned, as if there was nothing wrong. As if Kirk wouldn’t see that his eyes were bloodshot from tears Spock would never allow to fall, not even in private. He heard the quiet chatter of a pair of crewman as they passed. Kirk didn’t wait for them to be out of sight before taking Spock’s hand the same way he had moments ago and pressed their fingers together again. Spock seemed surprised, and the green crept back into his cheeks.   
After a moment, Kirk did what he should have done in the first place. He grabbed Spock by the shoulders, and stretched onto his toes. He crushed their lips together in a brief but intense kiss. He didn’t want to overwhelm Spock’s vulcan nature so he pulled back much sooner than he wanted to. He wanted to stay there in that kiss forever; to never let go of his first officer. They looked at each other softly. Spock carefully cupped Jim’s jaw with both hands and brought their lips together again, softer this time, but longer. Kirk threw his arms around Spock’s neck to draw them even closer. They reluctantly pulled away again, breathless, but did not disentangle their bodies. Spock rested his forehead against Jim’s and let out a breathless chuckle.   
They heard the approaching conversation of more crewmen around the corner and Spock pulled Jim into his room. 

 

“I’m sorry I reacted the way I did, at first. I just… short circuited I guess. I didn’t expect-” Kirk fumbled out an apology while they still stood much closer than a first officer should stand to his captain.   
“Unnecessary, Jim. I should have been more tactful,” the softness in his voice was new to both of them, but not unwelcome.   
“No, you were perfect,” Jim’s eyes were soft and full of an emotion Spock had seen in him, but never recognized. Love. It had been there the whole time and Spock had been so unobservant he had completely missed it.   
They stood so close, their hands clasped between their chests, swaying slightly in place. They could have been dancing if only there were music. Kirk freed one hand and reached up to touch Spock’s face, as if to confirm he was real. He ran his thumb over Spock’s lips, then traced his jaw line. He trailed his fingers all over Spock’s torso. Up and down his biceps and forearms, over his chest, and along his collar bones. Once he was satisfied he had felt every square inch of the front of his shirt, he trailed his fingers along Spock’s waistline and allowed his hand to roam to his back and under the black undershirt. Spock shivered at the contact of Jim’s warm hand on his cool spine, and he involuntarily pushed his hips forward to press into Jim’s. He could feel Jim hard against his leg. He wasn’t alone in his arousal. Spock released Jim’s other hand and put it to the small of Jim’s back to pull them closer still. Kirk weaved his fingers through Spock’s hair and grabbed a handful, causing Spock’s head to loll back and expose his neck. Kirk quickly took advantage and placed kisses and nips on the exposed skin while keeping the firm hold on the shiny black hair.  
“Oh, Captain,” Spock didn’t mean to voice his moan, but he had lost nearly all control of himself. Kirk didn’t seem to mind though-Spock felt Jims dick twitch through his pants and his eyes took on a mischievous gleam. He wanted to hear Spock moan and call him Captain again. Spock was sure he would get that wish. Tonight and any other night he wanted it.


End file.
